How to refuse to lend money. How to refuse a friend asking for money

When acquaintances ask for a loan, many people think about how to properly refuse a loan of money. If you sharply answer "no", then the relationship with the person can forever deteriorate, and it is not so easy to come up with a suitable option for soft refusal. How tactfully to refuse the requestor if this moment don't want to provide financial support?

Seven good reasons to refuse

Since friends, family, or colleagues are the most common requests for a loan, it can be really difficult to refuse. Some of these people use emotional blackmail, press on pity, or actually find themselves in a position that is empathetic.

Best Loan Offers:

When a request comes in to lend money, you can say the following:

I myself need to urgently pay off my loan debt.
All free funds are in my deposit account.
I gave all the money to my wife (husband), and she (he) is against lending.
In the coming days, an expensive purchase is planned, a gift for a mother-in-law for an anniversary or a similar large waste.
Yesterday I lent a large sum to my neighbor.
I myself am looking for someone to borrow from, because my salary was delayed.
At home or at the dacha, repairs have begun, on which all the money is spent.

If you have nothing to borrow, you can honestly say: "I would gladly help, but I myself have no money." Friends and acquaintances who like to borrow and not give away should not talk about their salary and the availability of savings.

To mitigate the guilt of rejection, you can offer the person:

Get a bank loan.
Temporary part-time jobs.
Other help, such as getting him to the right place or buying groceries.

People who are afraid to lend because of the risk of non-repayment should definitely ask the borrower for a receipt.

Who Shouldn't You Lend to?

Relatives and acquaintances usually ask to borrow money on parole, and if some of them are offered to document the fact of the loan, they begin to refuse. A simple offer of a receipt can already weed out unreliable borrowers, who then pretend that they have forgotten about the debt.

Financial professionals and psychologists are of the opinion that you shouldn't lend to people who:

They often ask for a loan, and it has become a habit. They do not know how to plan income, so they spend more than they earn. By borrowing money, they do not solve the problem of the lack of money, but exacerbate it.
They enter the circle of close people. If they don't return the money, the relationship could go bad.
They did not pay off the previous debt, and even more so several debts. If a person does not return previous amount, already asks for the next one, and without an apology or objective circumstances, it means that he will not return a new loan.
They have accumulated a lot of debts and do not pay them off for various reasons: they do not work, they drink or are simply dishonest people.

When giving a loan, you should be psychologically prepared for the fact that the money may not be returned. Popular wisdom says that you should not borrow more than you are ready to donate.

Unfortunately, not everyone knows at least the basics of planning: the result of an irresponsible attitude to their own finances, as a rule, is all sorts of requests to borrow "to paycheck." The vast majority of people are condescending to such requests and the required amount isolated without any problems.

Doing so is not worth it: in some cases, you cannot lend money, even if you are very much asked to do so. We have found that there are two reasons why you should refuse a "debt" request.

Reason one: if you yourself need money

It may seem surprising, strange and even meaningless (and, in general, it is so), but the desire to help their neighbor is so strong in some people that they always agree to lend someone a certain amount, even if they themselves are in great need. in money.

Whether this is a manifestation of altruism or simply an inability to live for oneself, having ceased to solve other people's problems, the result is the same: a person, wanting to help another, happily agrees to borrow another amount, forgetting that money is actually needed by himself.

To lend or not is a private matter for everyone, but material difficulties are the most obvious reason to refuse a sufferer: if you yourself are barely making ends meet, helping others is simply stupid.

Reason two: if you are not sure who is asking for money

Sometimes it also happens like this: you would be happy to give money to someone who once again desperately asks for "paycheck", and you have such an opportunity, but you are not at all sure of the supplicant. If you cannot even guess whether they will repay you a debt or not, you should definitely not rush to a decision: “knocking out” the debtor's hard earned money later is not the best way to spend your free time.

Alternatively, you can offer the person who asks you for money to issue an ordinary receipt, which would secure your agreement: if the debtor subsequently refuses to repay the debt, it will be much easier to collect funds with the help of the court than if you did not have such a document.

Please note that for similar proposal you may be seriously offended or even angry: many consider this behavior a sign of distrust. If you suspect that this is how the supplicant will react, it is much better to lie a little by inventing a fictitious reason to help you refuse. If you didn’t brag about your numerous "houses and steamers" to those around you the day before, no difficulties should arise.

As you can see, it is possible and necessary to help other people as needed, but not always: there are situations in which it is better to wait with help. In addition, if a person constantly asks for a loan, and you know about it, another handout will not help him: absolutely nothing will change in his life.

Helping a person who literally lives in debt is best not with money: we have already talked about how to learn not to get into debt. This approach will allow not only to normalize financial position(the next loan will cope with this, but only temporarily), but also to avoid "monetary catastrophes" in the future. Having learned how to properly plan the funds already available, a person will be able to live without depending on random loans, loans and other people's financial assistance.

Tell us what you think: is it always necessary to lend money? Why do you think so?

Short answer: develop your own rules and follow them.

Long answer.

Each person has his own idea of politeness, personal boundaries and rules of behavior in society. This also applies to requests to lend: someone believes that if possible, you always need to help people, someone, on the contrary, fundamentally does not lend to anyone and not at all. The majority, as usual, are closer to the middle, deciding “to give or not to give” on a case-by-case basis.

The most unpleasant option is when a person's internal attitudes contradict his capabilities or the need to behave rationally. There are “fail-safe” people who lend, even if they understand that it hurts themselves. This situation leads to neuroses, quarrels, resentment towards others and towards oneself. If you understand that this is about you, then you should think about changing your behavior.

The simplest way to defeat the problem is shift responsibility for making a decision on external factors... This can be done in two ways.

The first is to “accuse” someone of unwillingness to share money more morally stable... For example: “Sorry, I can’t borrow you, because my wife / husband doesn’t allow it. You understand that I cannot make a family scandal over money. " Naturally, the "accused" must be aware of and he must be able to refuse. This approach may slightly damage your reputation as an "independent adult", but firstly, in Russia such an answer is usually perceived as completely normal (Domostroy is in our heads), and secondly, it is a small "payment" for strengthening financial stability. After all, a slight imperfection only adds to the charm.

The second option is more difficult, but does not require efforts on the part of the other person. Sometime in a calm environment, think and develop own rules, by which you will decide whether to lend or not to lend, and how much. Write them, print them, memorize them. And if necessary, refer to them in conversation with the person asking (without showing, of course). Like, I can’t do anything, I have strict rules, I have to obey them. Practice this mantra to automatism so that you can respond without hesitation.

What these rules will be - it's up to you to decide, there is no single recipe here. For example, you can establish that you are lending only to close relatives and a strictly limited list of close friends, and all other requests are refused. Or you allocate a certain amount per month for “social assistance”, lend this money to any acquaintance who asks, but never go beyond it for anything. Or you always ask for a deposit. Or be sure to set a "cooling period" - say, agree or disagree no earlier than three days later. Most of those asking during this time will fall off on their own, the rest can be dealt with based on other rules. Or create some combination of the above and other options.

How detailed your rules will be again depends on you. There are "nerds" who write down the terms of lending more carefully than banks are credit agreements, there are people who prefer to limit themselves to a couple of simple points. It doesn't matter: the main thing is that the rules suit you and that you strictly follow them, without exceptions, without urgent changes “to fit the situation”.

And remember: no matter what you decide, no matter how you answer requests, you are always right... Nobody can shame you for refusing a loan, force you (psychologically or physically) to lend. If someone takes offense at you because of the refusal of a request to "intercept before paycheck" - this is his problem, not yours. Reasonable (this is important) defending one's interests is much more useful than the image of a “fail-safe friend”.

If you have your own rules for borrowing money, and you are not shy about sharing them, share them in the comments! Perhaps this will help other readers to do the right thing.

Money is not only a source of freedom and opportunity, but also a point of contention when financial friction concerns you and your friends.

Money problems can sooner or later be experienced by any person, and often in such a situation it is impossible to do without outside help. But when borrowing funds, you cannot be sure that they will return to you within the time frame specified in the agreement and in full. The person's life circumstances may change, their financial situation may worsen, or they may simply decide to take advantage of your kindness and old friendships in pursuit of their intentions.

All this will become a potential cause of conflict, the severity of which will depend on the amount of the loan and your desire to return it.

If a friend does not give the money, then the situation becomes even more complicated. And you can become the party that will incur financial and moral losses. After all, a special attitude towards this person will keep you from taking decisive actions, even when you realize that he was just using you. Therefore, it is not always a good idea to lend money to friends. This situation is a serious test for your friendship, which can be a source of frustration and financial loss.

How not to lend money and not offend anyone

When you are asked to lend money, even if it is a friend's request, you have full right refuse. It is necessary to make a decision based on your own assessment of the situation and possible risks, financial condition, moral principles and priorities. You don't need to feel guilty or ashamed about not lending money to a friend. A person close to you will understand and accept any reason. If you decide not to lend money to friends, then try to do it correctly, without inventing implausible reasons.

6 ways to refuse money

No money, no problem.

You can tell your friend that. Express your sincere desire to help and regret that you do not have this opportunity now. You should not give your last money or go into debt yourself when even your best friend asked for a loan. After all, you, too, may have unforeseen expenses associated with an important purchase, payment of urgent payments, illness, difficult life circumstances.
Physically, there is money, in fact - no.

Even if you have the funds, justify the refusal by the fact that you are collecting them for certain purposes that are very important. If a friend asks for a loan, explain to him that the free resources that you have may be needed at any time. You will have to request them immediately, which you do not want to put your friend in an uncomfortable position and aggravate financial problems.
Your money is already being used.

One of the ways how not to lend money is to explain this by the fact that you do not have free funds, and they are all invested in a deposit, real estate or personal business.
Help instead of borrowing money.

Offer the person any other help to solve the problem. If you cannot or do not want to lend money to a friend, then focus on the fact that you are ready to provide him with moral support and physical assistance. Tell him other sources of obtaining the required amount, if you have such information. It can be favorable in terms of bank loans, MFO or pawnshop services, a new place of work or additional part-time work.
You can't go against principles.

You can also refuse because you do not intend to lend money to friends, relatives and any other people, since this is your principled position. When talking about a loan, clearly state it, justifying it by the fact that you do not even want to potentially lose a friend over money.
When the non-return of money is a trend.

When a friend asks for money on a loan on a regular basis, then you will have to be firm in order to send him on the path of an independent decision. financial problems... Ask him for a loan or offer to issue a receipt with a clear indication of the return period and the amount of interest for using the funds. If this friend does not give back the money borrowed from you before, you can absolutely calmly refuse him.

How not to lend money: exceptions to the rule

A person who did not lend to a friend does not deserve contempt or condemnation. First of all, be guided by your own interests and priorities. But, before you come up with a reason for how not to lend money, it is worth finding out the true motive of this request. It is necessary to call a friend for a frank conversation. It is possible that he found himself in a difficult and hopeless situation, which he cannot cope with on his own.

The question may concern the health or life of a friend or his family and friends. In such cases, a decision cannot be made based solely on questions of one's own financial benefit.

Sometimes it is necessary to lend money to a friend, even knowing in advance that the chances of a return are doubtful.

But at the same time, they will go to good ends and help a loved one. After all, no one is immune from difficult situations and tragic events that require investment. financial resources... A person who did not lend to a friend in trouble runs the risk of being in similar circumstances.

A classmate, relative, acquaintance asks for a loan? Give me 3000, borrow up to paycheck, borrow 500,000 rubles to start a business, I have an idea, let’s invest - the situation is very common. How to sew beggars and "seagulls"? How delicately and politely to say an emphatic no? Sovetbati will tell you.

Not everyone understands that begging is bad, and for many, the goal is to borrow and not return. Many people around you are reading an article with the heading “ how to ask not to be refused"Before asking you for money or a favor, there are different tricks in such articles:

To pity (grandma, cat is sick);
I have a wedding, such an event once in a lifetime, borrow it, I will definitely call you (only very stupid people take a loan for a wedding);
I'll take you as a share in a super-profitable topic (there is a high probability that the borrower invests in a financial pyramid);
You are like a brother to me, you are my friend, and for a brother / friend nothing should be sorry;
Remember the old (I gave you 500 rubles for your birthday) and you don’t want to borrow money from me, are you ashamed? In general, everything is in this style.

It is not uncommon for the begging to try to shame you in public, do not be afraid to seem like a redneck! Be stronger than this shit, you shouldn't care what other people think, say "no, the conversation is over."

How to refuse if they ask for a loan

Credit requires trust or financial security, that is, a pledge, both ordinary citizens and financial tycoons will agree with this fact. When you are asked to borrow money, you have many reasons to refuse, including in an unusual way.

100% cuts

You yourself need money, you have plans for them (the borrower does not need to know which ones), have the courage to say this;
“No money” (the simplest refusal);
A simple question “What do you need money for? What is the purpose of the loan? " - this question will unsettle some of the potential borrowers, if a person cannot explain why he needs money, then he does not need it;
“I don’t print money”;
"I am not a bank";
All the money from my wife or in my family, the wife manages the money, talk to her.
Ask the question "what can you leave as a pledge?" This question is always pertinent, because you are not doing charity work !;
Asking how a person will give, an unemployed person will immediately lose the desire to receive loans, because he will not answer your question or will evade;
I compared all the facts and assessed your reliability - “you do not have a permanent job, you delayed the refund of Pete’s money, the scholarship every other time, you have nothing to leave as a pledge. Your business plan does not guarantee 100% success, therefore I may not get my money back. "
You can ask to write a receipt for all the rules, there are a lot of nuances, so we put it in a separate article. If a person does not agree with the rules or does not want to write a receipt, this should be regarded as the fact that he will not give you your money back.

Do not hesitate to use any of the above methods of protection against lending, your goal is to save your money, not to give it to just anyone. A normal person will not be offended by such questions, and if he is offended, then it is better than to be left without money.

What to take as a pledge and how?

It must be a liquid item or securities, its cost must exceed the issued loan at least 2 times. So that if the borrower does not give the loan, you can very quickly sell it at half price, covering the loan amount and interest.

If you nevertheless decide to lend, give as much as you do not mind losing.